Thoughts About Doctors
I hadn’t been to the “get your annual checkup and see how you’re doing” doctor in about a decade. I’ve been to a few specialists in that time. There was that one time when I had to get an MRI because I took an arrow (skate) to the knee, but that doesn’t really count. And that horrible ear infection that I got on January 1, 2010 (Happy New Year!). But every time I have to fill out a medical form and it says “primary care physician” I’ve had to leave it blank.
So I went to the doctor because things haven’t been right with me for some time. Constant sinus infections and a tummyache that just wouldn’t quit.
I don’t know where my apprehension towards the doctor’s office comes from. I’m not really afraid of the doctor. But the doctor’s office is a place where normal social boundaries don’t really exist. As a kid you don’t think much of it but as you get older a realization dawns upon you that you’re letting a strange person stick digits and appliances in your orifices. I guess most people are able to resign themselves to that as a necessary evil for good health, but I don’t even like to touch most people. I have a bubble the size of Kansas.
But not really like this. It's more of a metaphorical bubble. I do enjoy Travolta in a bubble, though.
In that regard, it’s weird that I wanted to be a doctor when I was in junior high school. I figured that smart people either became doctors or lawyers. Doctors are wealthy and respected, as opposed to lawyers who are just, well… wealthy. Go figure that I got way closer to becoming a lawyer than a doctor. As it turns out, I’m horribly squeamish. I don’t see how doctors can routinely put themselves in contact with a person’s wet bits and not throw up. I can’t even deal with some of the stuff that comes out of my own body. However, I’ve been in enough bar bathrooms to know that some people are extremely comfortable dealing with bodily excretions. You wanna know where the inspiration for Draw Something came from? It’s almost as if some women look at a box of tampons and see endless creative potential.
In conclusion, doctors are weird people who like to poke your squishy bits and then give out pills like Halloween candy. I’m feeling a lot better, though, so I won’t judge.
I hurt in my body. I hurt in my body. I hurt in my body. I got drugs!
